I haven’t had my finger nails painted in, like, 8 years or so. At least.
But that all changed last week.
(Unless you count the time I painted a few nails, then promptly removed it because I didn’t like it.)
Last week I attempted to paint my finger nails red. And I painted all the layers too soon after each other, and my polish got nicked and rippled. Also, I had painted all over my fingers, not just on the nails, since I have painted my nails in so long. So I took it off.
But the next day I just put on a clear coat, thinking that would at least be some nail polish, and I could start getting used to the feeling of having my nails painted.
Then today I painted them purple. And they turned out pretty well. My right hand is a little nicked, because I didn’t wait long enough between applying layers, and when I was finished, I went outside and picked up acorns instead of letting my nails dry as long as I should. I mean, think about it: pick up acorns with 7-year-old sister for the pig, or sit there and do nothing while your nails dry? Clear choice.
One of the reasons that I haven’t painted my nails is that I cook a lot, and the thought of my hands in the food with nail polish on the nails just grossed me out a little.
But today, in between layers, it hit me.
EVERY cook should have their nails painted.
Because it happens to the best of us and the worst of us, no matter how good your knife skills are. You’re chopping something in the kitchen, and either someone bumps you, your little sibling thinks it would be funny to scare you right now (NOT), the mail man rings the doorbell, or the FBI shows up (just kidding about that last part).
And you slip and cut yourself.
And besides the minor details of stopping the blood flow, getting through the freak-out session over the fact that you just cut yourself (the thought of the knife slicing your skin – YUCK!), wade through the apologies (or lack thereof) of the bumper or scarer, find somebody to keep you from hyperventilating, and determine whether or not you need stitches, there is always the important part of making sure that there are no nails left in whatever you were preparing. Particularly if the cut wasn’t of your skin, because your nails were long, and that’s what the knife got to first.
Just think: if your nails were neon green, wouldn’t they be much easier to find in the food you were chopping?
Now the only think you run into here is that if your nails are red, for example, they wouldn’t show up so well in tomatoes, for example. And dark green wouldn’t be great in romaine lettuce.
So this is what we need to do:
For those of us who paint our nails every day, you should coordinate your nail color with dinner. So, for example, if you are going to make spaghetti, you should paint your nails green, blue, or yellow, but should avoid most reds and browns, although certain shades of pink and orange would be O.K. (if they were bright enough). And if you were going to make a big salad, you should avoid greens and dark blues, and go for bright blue, turquoise, and any of the warm colors (red, orange, pink, yellow). You get the idea.
And for those of you that don’t paint your nails daily, you should try to pick a color that wouldn’t match your foods. Bright turquoise. Bright yellow. Any neon color would fit the bill. Just any color that was bright enough to be seen easily, and that doesn’t match any common foods.
So don’t you agree – All cooks should pain their nails?
NOTE: This was meant to be funny, not an actual representation of anything I do, or intend to do, or anything that I would like you to do. By all means, when you cut yourself, forget about your nail color or even where the nail went, and attend to your finger. And hygiene comes first. If it’s gross, throw it away. Over and out.
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